What to tackle next???

I am struggling with the next step on this journey.  Starting this blog was one big giant uncomfortable step into a world I want to join but am unsure of how to gain entry.   In order to have enough to keep this blog going, I am going to have to make another leap forward.  So, the question is: do I try to do some survey research to add credibility to my “name” or do I start to try getting my “name” out there through some other venue. 

One of my friends suggested trying to do some research with those that are dying and their families in order to add some “science” to the book I am working on writing.  I think this is a great idea.  It wouldn’t be that hard, and would be a matter of clarifying a research question and developing the questions.  The hard part would be reaching out to hospice or other organizations to see if they would let me conduct the study with their clientele.   I think this is an excellent idea, but one I don’t want to start if I am going to let it die on the vine, so to speak. J  

Another friend suggested sending my book reviews to AARP or another publication. This way, I would start to get my name out there, and get the blog some additional traffic.  So, when I am ready to start ramping up this career a bit more I might have some name recognition.  Name recognition is also a good idea, but am I ready for that?

So, the question is: What do I try next?  Do I do one of these two things or something different?

A book Review

Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley

To continue to post and hopefully to spur some conversation, I thought a book review might be a good idea.  If I am going to be working with the dying, it seems that I should learn as much as possible about what happens with death and dying.  I recently finished reading Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley.  The authors, hospice nurses, use vignettes about dying patients to make their points, and very effectively too. 

My major take away -- there are things you can learn from the dying if you listen.  It may be something they want to tell you, it may be a glimpse into the next “world,” or that the dying will die on their own terms, retaining some level of control.  No matter what, there is something to be learned from the dying, if you are lucky enough to be there and listening carefully.

While I have known for a long time that the dying can prolong or hasten their own departure, many of the patients discussed in the book have made this point even clearer to me.  Sometimes the dying wait to see someone they love.  Sometimes they wait to resolve a particular situation. One case discussed in the book was about a husband, who waited until his daughter was at his house with his wife before he passed.  He didn’t want his wife to be alone when he died.  He protected and cared for her until his final breath.  For those around the dying, I think it is important to know that they may be trying to tell you something.  For those who may be dying, I wonder if there is any comfort in knowing that you can retain some level of control.  However, overwhelmingly clear in the book is that the dying often have business to take care of.       

The authors spend a lot of time discussing near death awareness, which is not the same as a near death experience.  Near death awareness is an ability to see or feel what happens after this life is over.  It is as if the patient is living in-between two worlds.  They are not quite done here on earth yet they haven’t yet made it to the next world.  The patients discussed could never fully describe “over there,” but knew it was a good place to be, that they would see others they loved who had passed, and that it was beautiful.  More than that seemed to fade as they were drawn back to this world.  The other interesting facet discussed in relation to near death awareness was that often we assume that those that are close to death are not lucid, when they talk in a way we don’t understand.  It could be that they aren’t really “here” and therefore what they are seeing or reacting to is not something we can understand.  In the end, we probably should not assume they are “crazy,” but that they are experiencing something we can not understand. 

This book tackles a tough topic in a way that really brings home the messages the authors are trying to share.  By using individual patient experiences, the reader can visualize each of the patients and their experiences. It is a very successful way of sharing this important information.  

Thanks for reading

JMB

An Introduction

Approximately 7 months ago, I decided I needed to figure out where my next career would take me. I didn’t know what that career would be, but I figured it would utilize all the skills I have built thus far and some newly acquired ones.  After months of searching, I think I have figured out what my new career will be—although this is always subject to change.  I want to help individuals have the best possible end of life experience.  We need to give individuals facing the end of their lives as much care and compassion as we give those being born.  At the start and end of life’s journey we have little ability to make our needs known or express ourselves.  When around babies, most of us know that they need to be fed, clothed, diapered, and loved.  What about when we are dying?  Most of us are so uncomfortable with this topic that we don’t discuss it, and when it happens to us….well we are ill prepared to deal with it.  So, I want to help people figure out what they want at the end of their life and help them talk to their loved ones about it.  I think this will make the process of dying a little less traumatic and stressful for the one dying. 

How am I going to do this- well that is an excellent question, and to be honest-- I am still working on that.  That is part of what I am hoping to figure out through this media.  I have been an executive leadership coach for approximately 8 years. In that time, I have worked with a lot of people, who needed some assistance.  Together we were able to pinpoint the problem they were facing, and working together come up with an actionable solution that made the situation better.   Now I want to apply my coaching strategy to a new situation—those with a terminal diagnosis, who want the end to be as peaceful and fulfilling as the beginning. 

What I am not going to do --is help people die.  I have no interest in hastening the process of death.  Everyone is allowed their own choice, and while some might make this one…I will not be assisting with it.

Why am I calling this Candor Without Insult? Being honest without people taking things personally is important, especially when you are dying. You don’t have time to sugar coat everything, and in the end I don’t believe that this type of behavior serves people—ever.  I am also not the most politically correct person in the world. I call things as I see them.  While I do this with compassion, I don’t think anyone is served by having others be less than honest because it will hurt his or her feelings.  None of us grow when people are so afraid to tell us something that we continue on without changing.  Therefore, I want to bring candor without insult into the conversation of dying.

I hope that you will join me in this journey and enter into a conversation with me.  As I said, I don’t know exactly what will be here; all we can do is to see what develops. 

Thanks

JMB